I Overthink a lot, Help!

Hii Everyone,

Hope you all are doing great!

So I have written this particular article on overthinking and how one copes with this habit. Please do give it a read, your valuable feedback means the world to me, thank you!

🌼Thank you!

Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I liked writing it.

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Dear Mentor,

Last week, during one of my presentations I stumbled amidst my speech. I feel I could have come up with a better solution to that. 

What if my manager declines my upcoming promotion due to this rookie mistake?

What if I am fired? 

For the past few days, I am stuck with these negative thoughts, it is constantly bugging me like those internet pop-ups. As soon as I shut one, the other one pops up and annoys me.

 HELP!!

Yours truly,

Overthinker.

– Shivani Dubey.

At times.

At times
You can run away from yourself,
And also hide.
You can lie to yourself
And also deny.

You can smile,
While you cry
You can speak the truth
While you lie.

You can be shattered
Yet whole,
You could be a flesh of body,
without a soul.

At times,
you are living inside a lie,
finding new ways to leave a strife.

A short tale.

 "As a kid, I was initially frightened of dark corner rooms or shadows of the night" she looks up straight to the person in front, he is hazy, he stands in the corner, hunched, far away from the  lamp's flickering light. The basement is cold, untouched by human existence since the past two years, now.

"Then how come you love it now?" 

"Later as a ten year old,  I fell in love with the silence of the darkness.
fell in love with the comfort that it brings along"

How did it feel like?  He stands akimbo, gazing over her face, his blue eyes turn warm with concern.

"Think of it like standing inside a dark room, just by yourself, all the time. 
Its scary, any sudden voice and you are on alert.  Later you understand it's a play of your own mind"

Okay...then? his blue orbs turn fiercely dark resemble the gas lamp's dying light 

"Then each second, each minute, each hour of your day, you wait to get out of them."

"And do you?"

"No, you end up getting submerged into it, first partially, then its ingrained, inside every vein, every cell, every thought, every memory, every tale"

"And now, what happens next?"

"Those corned rooms that shelter hunched backs,
Those deserted lips that eat silence and drink sighs,
They are now scared of the light"

Why...so?

"What does the light promise to you?
Nothing.
It expects you to walk upon its path."

The light of the lamp flickers and the twitches aloud, Ava turns it off.

And this thing that you are talking about, does it expect something too?
She fails to see his face, but can feel his cold breath upon her face, he stands tall in front of her now.

"This darkness?
It demands nothing,
It expects no walk, no phone positive talk,
all it wants, is for you to guard it like its own. 
Protect it when its about to lose its form.
Never leave its side, for its lonely too.
And that's what you do, so that it never leaves your side."

"Then will you guard it forever?"  He sounds breathless, as though scared for her reply.

Ava hears footsteps in the back. The marble tile squeaks every time her widow mother's rubber shoes touch their steps upon the tiles.

"I do not have any answer to that, maybe I shall continue this after my dinner!"

"Ava, 
Whom were you talking to in the basement? 
Its late, dear, dont be alone at this time"

"Oh no one maa, was talking to a friend over a phone call"

And as she gazes over the corner of the basement room, the man has vanished away into thin air.

"Until next time" Ava whispers to herself.






An Ode to cupid’s deed.

Time flies by,
moments run away in a blink of an eye,
and I sat wondering,
when shall cupid shoot his arrow upon the heart of mine.

"Now, now,"he said,
"I have already done the deed, kid.
Look carefully and realise its love, 
Before the magic of the arrow, skids."

-------------------------------------------------------------
Rumi, I read, lay awake, fighting himself all night,
 Sylvia I experienced bleed and sigh, mad girl she was named, for loving that light
Austen said it resided in the first smile that captured her eyes.

You see,
my mind and heart were in a conflict like Rumi promised in his lines,

Did I make him up in my mind?
maybe,

Love was creation after all, by this naive mind
His smile, the most intoxicating feature, never left my sight.

Oh how,
He always welcomes me with his smile,
as tho no worry could ever extinguish his light.
Miles across, near his sea
he sends blobs of warmth and waves of tease.
Flutters my heart, I realise I am free.

But this wimp heart of mine,
 kept me awake all night,
filled me with question, I never asked the knight.

How does one share their self with thee?
Can the frisky wind ever belong to the trees?
Can the indefinite moon ever belong to the chasmic serene sea?
 
And then cupid's words rang aloud

Those moments spent by his side,
gazing at his sunrise face,
playing with his soft locks,
getting annoyed at his snides
Kissing his lips then resting my nose alongside mine
oh how,
those blurry video calls, his groggy morning voice,
had all become a part of me.

It was in these micro moments, 
I realised cupids arrow had struck me,
I was utterly and completely bewitched by thee.

But,I got nothing to offer to him,
other than tempestuous words or broken beats,
His cold coffee kiss, cuddles and music I shelter them in my diary,
And his childish hues,
I keep them all save with me.

So, oh dear deed of the cupid creek,
lay entwined, by my side.
that's all I'd need.







An ode to overthinking.

To be surrounded by your thoughts, grey and white.
All by yourself, 
inside our own mind.

Cage or prison, has bars of steel,
that do not let the convict escape 
or its security, breach.

The flesh prison on the other hand,
is as wide as the sky
and like the ocean, deep.

So how does escape or run away from something that's their own?

---------------------------------
But I'll tell you how it feels like,
 
Imagine a road, on a hustling Friday night.
Cars honking, bikers trying to make their way from side.
The weather is hazy due to the emission of the dark smoke,
You cant see the vehicles that come in your way.


You can instead,
Hear the roaring of their rheumy engines,
It's as tired as the worn out rubber tires.
One more jerk and maybe it shall lose its balance.


You can, 
Hear them trying to escape as quickly as possible
Away from this concrete road,
That tries to gulp them beneath its flaky core
That is rugged or has patches of puddles on it.

Yes, there are traffic lights upon this road,
Red is the only indicator it shows.
This chaos for the road,
is an everyday chore.

Now the only way you can protect yourself is to wait.
or you cross the road,
whilst they move faster than the shooting star in the sky.

One step you miss, and you'd be the prisoner of dark.

So you wait till they empty the road, 
and then on that deserted road you shall be able to walk freely again.
But thats not what happens,
The wheels keep dangling, those horns keep getting louder,
that black smoke suffocates you.

Yet you stand, waiting for it to be gone.
Everyday. 

Thats how it feels like.

-------

A short note.

One of the many sighs, 
Silent cries,
Unnoticed tears, you hid away from the world.
That kept sliding down your cold cheek amidst the dark night,
Shall one day either become a distant memory of the past.
or
Become a reality that you shall never be able to escape, ever in life.


When all is lost, look out for what’s next.

It's been raining a lot since yesterday.
These raindrops were sudden tho,
I could never foresee their incoming this time,
but the past few weeks had been a hell lot of bleak,
turbulent sun rays, gazed through the window peak
and silent night had no way to express its tale,
stars or moon, all away since few days.

At first the raindrops were very mellow,
almost silent, I never noticed their presence in the background of the overtly silent rumbling fan,
But later when dawn made its way around the linen blinds,
I realised it has not stopped raining since night.

These raindrops fought their way through the rusted grills ,
sat right near the cold granite,
I wondered what they had planned next.

Yet there was nothing,
but the winds grew fiercer.
It was loud and chaotic,
Yet the palm tree stood strong, connected to his roots,
As though living upto the promise he made,
to the crow, whose nest rests upon its branch.
Baby crow slept peacefully, rejoicing to the ambiguous lullaby of the wind.

---
18:48
I sit on this wooden bench, it's very humbly and loud,
It creaks every time I move an inch or try to move about.
My coffee today, is less bitter and has more of cream
The first sip burns my benumbed tongue right away.
 the cigarette in hand is burning away quick, too.

I wonder if it's the winds or did I light it bit too much today?
With a quick puff I try to ash it away on an old piece of letter I wrote.
Alas the last flame was still alive, 
for a ring of fire galloped abode.

I didn't realise it in the start,
But when the fire burned the carbon that I tried to hide,
white and black letters, I watched them sigh.
saw them escape, experience them die.

With carbon in the air and dust in my eyes,
I tried to extinguish the spark by palm of my hand,
Yet, they raised up even more violently,
especially under this foggy weather I was surrounded by.
The wind too aided the kindling of this fire,
Finally, the salty raindrops finally extinguished them out.


Maybe the raindrops weren't that bad after all.
----

So due to an unavoidable  accident, I realised all of my old posts have been deleted,
So this is my intake about the entire situation.

Thankfully I could save a few of my old posts, will try to revamp them.
Hope you all are doing good!
Thank you for reading, have a good day!🌼