I know I told you I love being alone, enjoy my solitude. Yet I expect a text from you, hope that you just casually text me back asking how everything’s going on, call me, tell me that you miss my voice.
But alas, I’ve always been told that our expectations often end up killing us.
I find myself tossing and turning on the bed all night, I think about the counter agruments of the things you said, the things I texted, and the things I actually meant.
I am always on my guard whenever I text you, tell my self, that I shall not act vulnerable infront of you, for you are just a guy, ugh, a guy who has started meaning so much to me that it scares the shit out of me.
It’s like something inside me tells me I should go back to you, that you’re the one I had always wanted in my life, but the logical arguments, and my friends, they tell me that this is just a phase, it’ll wander off in sometime.
And you do know what that led to, the final goodbye, the I hate you, don’t contact me ever again”.
Yet every night,as I sit by my window, The Reason by Hoobastank plays at the back of my mind, as I close my eyes, our last hug is replayed, I remember the first time I saw you smile, my cheeks heat up a bit, my finger trace lines back to my lips,
I realise I am actually smiling at the thought of your smile.
I guess not everyone is meant to be there with you forever,
But why should forever only be counted in years and time, why not moments and smile?
Maybe this journey was destined to end this way
And oh, it did.