A lot of it, the one that would shatter your patience away and would make you hate me from your core, it’s the kind of silence that throbs loudly at night, would make you feel numb like me, I wouldn’t enjoy that sight. For this silence has accompanied me since I was six years old but you’re too new and naive to enter this abode.
There’s ambiguity there are tears there are fights,
One moment I’m fine, the other I’d ask you why you did this that time, my insecurities would feed me all kinds of lie, I’d open my box, my overthinking jute, the one that would.prove that my insecurities are true, that maybe you are too good to be true, and maybe this was all a lie, I’d sink in my bed drown myself in the tears until my puffy eyes become as dry as the okay or the all right, fine, I’d text you after the fights.
I’m not perfect, I’m far away from beautiful if you see, I’m as tainted as the grey sky, with broken Hope’s and dreams that shine from far away for the star makes you feel it’s so perfectly fine, when in reality they’re likely dead but put away a facade and keep others in a lie..
I wish for happy clear skies in my life, but all you’d find would be the cigarette fumes that get accumulated hopelessly in the diary of my everyday life, the gloomy diary doesnt have fresh flowers tucked inside rather black stains from my Marlboro marked on every page, no happy endings just creased pages marked by no one for it’s as ugly as the tainted eclipse night.
The one that you said you have experienced when you learnt how to fight, it left a mark on your body till date, but the one you’d experience with me would make home in that delicate heart of yours, it’s too caring to nurture this mole. My heart and mind are in a war zone all the time, one where the other loves too soon and the other feels it’s all a lie, and my dry mouth feeds to throw away the turmoil by inflicting pain on those who are near to Me all the time.
I’m scared to love, thus I run away from the feeling all the time, those heartaches I get everytime we’d meet would make me feel its anxiety from my past lives, it’d make me run away far away from you.which scares me for I’m afraid I’ve fallen too much for thee and it wont be tomorrow for my words would have done the deed.