Top Signs you could be Overthinking ( Part two of the Overthinking series)

So in this particular piece to keep things short, I will only discuss the top signs you might be overthinking :

Part 1 – Be aware! The Ogre named Overthinking

Part 2- A few signs you could be overthinking!

Part 3- How does it affect you? 

Part 4 – How to get over this thinking – Ways to overcome this habit of overthinking.

“I pushed him off, for I thought he would want the same thing, then why does it feel shitty?

Because you didn’t think rationally it was rather your overthinking, you thought of those what ifs and saw the worst outcome to something that meant nothing but good to you.

The line on the other side hears a deep sigh,

Maybe you are right, I did and now I have lost what I love, but is too late?

All she gets back is silence, for isn’t  that what she wanted?
——————————–

Now that you somewhat feel you do overthink, how about we look out fo sure short signs that you could be overthinking?

Here are a few!

  • You keep reliving past moments again and again :  You find it difficult to let to of the past memories, especially painful or the ones that hurt you, even if the incident took place years ago, you cant let go. It is possible that the experience left a deep impact upon you, or even hurt you, mentally as well as physically, but you feel that is stilll very much Latched on to you, you cant let go.pexels-startup-stock-photos-212286
  • You tend to worry more the various What If’s in your life :  This has to be one of the most disastrous things we over thinkers do. We humans do tend to indulge in What If’s at less frequency than that of an over-thinker, for this question is like their kryptonite, they are weakest when they are surrounded by them, they feel it will get them close to home, but it only keeps killing them night and day.
  • You tend to worry about the future a lot, so much so that it has started affecting your daily life – You are so caught up with your own thoughts that you forget whether you locked the door, loose a track of time while you’re staring at blank space and get lost in those thoughts, you find it difficult to concentrate or enjoy things you once loved.  You feel anxious at the mere thought of an uncertain future because of which there is a constant need to plan things out, make pointers, checklist, keep things in control for that way you have somewhat hold upon your future dealings.

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  • You find it difficult to forgive yourself for those mistakes of the past- You come up with better solutions to them feel that may there could have been something you could have done better or in a easy way. But when you fail to come up with any of those better solution, you sulk, you get angry on yourself and feel nothing you ever do would ever be right.
  • You dislike easy answers- Aren’t easy things just a facade? You want to look at the deeper truth, the deeper meaning behind any conversation, Did they agree with me because they wish to get  rid of me? or are they done with me? Easy answers are never right, nothing is ever that easy, right?
  • You dislike One word answers!  This one, well, we over thinkers generally do not like them for they kickstart our overthinking space high and then we go into our safe cave and try to decipher the “hidden” meaning behind that cool, good, nice or okay!

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  • Routine “Observations” not Talk make up your day : Now this seems normal I know, but as an over-thinker myself, every time I am out for a run, or meet stranger or even my friends, I tend to observe to their non -verbal cues, so much so that at times their sigh, could just mean they are tired from the daily chore not because they are tired from me of me. But I tend to observe a lot and then go back think about it, You observe more than you will speak or say, even though the other person is talking to you, you will observe their actions, not realising that your own actions makes you look hostile or rude to a new person who wouldn’t be aware about your normal routine of observing,
  • You are always on a lookout for new information : This is also a characteristic of a deep thinker, but the difference between a deep thinker and an over thinker lies in the outcome, a deep thinker channelizes their thoughts towards a problem and comes up with a solution to it. The over thinker, rather looks out for information that just adds more to their worries and is in line with their what if’s hypothesis, this never ending cycle doesn’t stop, for you will always be on a lookout for new information as your overthinking makes you believe that others are trying to hurt you or will take advantage of you.
  • You find it difficult to fall asleep quickly : Your thoughts are so much ingrained inside your mind that not only do they occupy your mind in the day, but also at night when you try to sleep, you can’t seem to find a “Pause” or “Stop Now” button for them. They keep going on and on and keep you awake a lot of times, thus leaving you feeling lethargic or tired again in the day.

Each and everyone one of us might have a different experience with overthinking. We do overthink, just that the scale is quite different. Now just because we do indulge in overthinking doesn’t make us good or bad, shitty or a loser or sulker, it makes us human, but that comes with a price, the price is at times our life, your self esteem, your health- physical or mental or even emotional will be affected, which will be discussed in more detail in the next post!

Thank you so much for reading, do let me know your thoughts, would love to know them.

A war with yourself.

I came across a fuzzy seed of myself.
This part that i nurutred everyday in the past,
That saved me on the silent days,
On the days my beliefs were bandaged like my tongue,

Has made a home in the silent hall of my heart,
This fuzzy wall is cracking down suppprting this seed all the time,
I see the failure of naive lost self, nailed,
rusty tacks that marred the heart,
lie beside my cold feet, plain,

I try to fill the crevices of this wall with the fleeting moments of happiness,
alas,its momentous strength fails to keep them align.

I watch them fall ounce by ounce as the roots of this seeed outgrow alongside the echoing room,
its silence is felt, but the voice keeps growing louder by each passing day.

The elongated roots seem too weak,
support each other and have become quite strong,
the brakish water nurtures them,
gives them hope they can still come out alive.
purple skies often shed their light and there they lay by the blackened sky nurtured and safe.

I try to burn them away with a flicker of hope that shined in life,
I stand paralysed as I watch this flame shudder under the coldness of this sight,
but the pecuilar roots defy this time, smell putrsecine,
as though it was never meant to be die.

The Introverted Man (2)

He’s definitely one of his kind, he wears clothes like a 12 grade teen, with sweatshirt always on and dark colored pants, he hides his shy demeanor by tucking his hands in his side pockets and walks with ease.

His aviators are alwys there by his side, he wears them to hide away his rhuemy eyes, for he wishes to hide away. His light brown eyes would show you a variety of things, only if you closely pay attention to the words his eyes speak.

They’d at times twinkle too bright, like the stars he encounters by the sea, they lit up like his favourite star when he narrates his childhood play with his dad and sister practicing WWE with each other during his school days.

His eyes hide away the turmoil within him too, hide away the many sleepless nights he spent at the sea, or the times he lay awoke on the cold bed, homesick, wishing to be just a bit closer to his shore.

If you closely pay attention to his eyes, you can see patches of melancholy aligned too, of the days he cried when no one was around, the days he felt he wasnt the perfect child, or the days he prayed he could just leave. They are latched below his eyes, he names it *tiredness* for he couldn’t fall asleep since he was working and partying at nights.

Yet he’d never show an ounce of emotions from his end, for his bright smile would cover up these.

His smile, is as pleasant as the winds during June rains, the one that makes everyone around them so lively and chirpy. It’d remind you of the 11:11 wish you read online, he’s the kind of guy who’d make sure you’re always happy and all right.

He’d stare at you across the room full of people, he notice how the veins on your forehead look too bright in the afternoon sun, how you awkwardly tuck your hair when you feel anxious or shy. He’d also notice the way you truly smile, the way your eyes roll or the way you gently sigh, he’d look deep into your eyes when you’re looking away or when you’re trying to hide.

He’d need no words to understand how you feel, for his intuitive gut would work just fine. He’d know how to make you laugh or when to change the subject of your talk, when to get coffee or when to offer you a cigarette puff.

He’d also be there to hold your hand when you feel the stairway is too uncertain towards the end, he’d ask you if you’re all right and hold your hand too tight and smile. His rough hands would softly catch yours all the time, his fingers would draw circles around your wrists, to tell you he would never leave.He’d never back down from walking hand in hand by the street, his grip would be like the knots he learnt in sailing school, never lose, always firm and tight.

Lastly, he’d hug you too tight, the one that would make you forget about everything else around you, the one that would shatter all your previously held ambiguities, it’d feel as cozy as the your favorite blanket during wintery nights and would make you feel safe and make you smile.

Poem 56#

There’a broken tap in the kitchen sink,
It keeps shredding pellets of water at night,
Many tried to fix it,
To repair the seal.
Yet it remains broken.

But doesn’t leak during morning hours,
For mum ties it with a muslin cloth.

“See now? There’s always a way to fix broken things,” Maa proudly says,

“I wish temporary solutions would work that way,”
I continue with the dishes for the day
With the soggy old sponge, I start cleaning the dishes,
It has holes now, blobs of black dots surround its core,
Yet it scrubs away the dirt and cleans the vessels perfectly fine.

Maa’s favourite steel kadhai is blackened due to overuse,
It takes me more than a couple of mins to scrub a small patch of dot,

“Ugh this won’t go away, Maa!!”

“Oh it’s an old stain, it won’t leave this quick,”
maa reckons to me,

“Then what do I do?”

“Find a way to clean the black stain, Shibu.”

“But it’ll take a lot more time, too much work.”
I sigh,

“Then what do you wish to do?
Let the stain get darker and even more difficult to get off?”

Maybe she was right,
Maybe old stains never leave their shore easily after all.
Keep getting darker by day,
And harder to forget or erase.

-Shivani Dubey.

Poem 55#



I dont wanna write anymore,
Was this destined in my palm too?
My palm has so many broken lines,
Reminds me of the geometry figure I couldn’t draw even after multiple trials,
Alas in the end, the creased paper had multiple broken lines, they were invisible to the naked eye,
But for me, I could see, my failure tangled like the spiders web.
And oh my maths teacher, she often gave me a zero out of 25.

I don’t enjoy my daily coffee too,
It tastes bland, maybe 3 tsp isnt strong?
Maa tells me this coffee is making me senile,
Or maybe it’s your phone, that’s making you mad! She says.
Maybe she is right,
I’m stuck with this phone like the lover to its rose,
It’s the first thing I have in my hand and the last thing I check before I sleep.

How much are you sleeping nowadays shibu!? Maa questions me for the millionth time,
Are you even paying attention to what I’m saying?? I nodd, but she walks away
I dont sleep, really, just lie down on my unmade bed, lie with my warm blanket shielding me away from the ghosts of the past,
But they find an abode through the space I leave off below my cold feet,

Did I do enough today? I question myself
But all I hear is the last local honking in the background,
There is no sign of moon today,
I see a bat hanging upside down the almond tree infront of my window pane,
He swings so peacefully and silently rests by the other birds who usually attack him in day.

Bhai then blabbers in his sleep,
Something about his work, how he has to reach the intended goal for the month,
He then nods his head and tilts to other side of the bed,

Shibu dont you wanna sleep?” Dad’s hoarse voice alerts me away,

Yes, i will now”  the cold floor really feels weird during winter days,
With a quick look at the grey skies, I escalate towards my bed.

Goodnight dad” I mumble,

He ignores my words, as he sits by the window pane.

Random thought (3)

We’re all bold,

We’re all shy,

We’re all dull and boring

We are dynamic at times,

We’re all happy,

We’re all sad people living a colossal lie

It depends on the day, that moment “that time”

For sane individuals to ruin their perfect lives.

Is it okay to be like this?

Do we fall in love with how the person actually is? Or the idea of them we have inside our brain,

We love to romanticize their dull eyes, their scam smiles and their honey dripped lies.

And oxytocin supports our beliefs overtime, the hugs feels heavenly, the kiss seems like a delight.

Their normal expressions seem so special, “the love drug” keeps playing tricks on our mind

Then we slowly start imagining scenarios in which they have married us and we are living a “happily ever after life”

But alas, infatuation or lust is temporary, most of the times,

You become obsessed with them, like an addict, you’re drawn to their presence and keep pestering them all the time,

Asking them about their whereabouts, feel insecure, jealous, feel that pit in the stomach when they dont give you importance,

You wish to keep them happy, no matter what, never wish to go against them, wish to be by their side, even though it hinders your self esteem all the time.

Until one day they tell you,

dont contact me ever again”

And you realise, that infatuation played you well

You’re heartbroken, you feel this is the end of life,

When in reality, it’s not.

For now is the time you shine,

You give yourself the love and importance you deserved all the time.❣