Top Signs you could be Overthinking ( Part two of the Overthinking series)

So in this particular piece to keep things short, I will only discuss the top signs you might be overthinking :

Part 1 – Be aware! The Ogre named Overthinking

Part 2- A few signs you could be overthinking!

Part 3- How does it affect you? 

Part 4 – How to get over this thinking – Ways to overcome this habit of overthinking.

“I pushed him off, for I thought he would want the same thing, then why does it feel shitty?

Because you didn’t think rationally it was rather your overthinking, you thought of those what ifs and saw the worst outcome to something that meant nothing but good to you.

The line on the other side hears a deep sigh,

Maybe you are right, I did and now I have lost what I love, but is too late?

All she gets back is silence, for isn’t  that what she wanted?
——————————–

Now that you somewhat feel you do overthink, how about we look out fo sure short signs that you could be overthinking?

Here are a few!

  • You keep reliving past moments again and again :  You find it difficult to let to of the past memories, especially painful or the ones that hurt you, even if the incident took place years ago, you cant let go. It is possible that the experience left a deep impact upon you, or even hurt you, mentally as well as physically, but you feel that is stilll very much Latched on to you, you cant let go.pexels-startup-stock-photos-212286
  • You tend to worry more the various What If’s in your life :  This has to be one of the most disastrous things we over thinkers do. We humans do tend to indulge in What If’s at less frequency than that of an over-thinker, for this question is like their kryptonite, they are weakest when they are surrounded by them, they feel it will get them close to home, but it only keeps killing them night and day.
  • You tend to worry about the future a lot, so much so that it has started affecting your daily life – You are so caught up with your own thoughts that you forget whether you locked the door, loose a track of time while you’re staring at blank space and get lost in those thoughts, you find it difficult to concentrate or enjoy things you once loved.  You feel anxious at the mere thought of an uncertain future because of which there is a constant need to plan things out, make pointers, checklist, keep things in control for that way you have somewhat hold upon your future dealings.

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  • You find it difficult to forgive yourself for those mistakes of the past- You come up with better solutions to them feel that may there could have been something you could have done better or in a easy way. But when you fail to come up with any of those better solution, you sulk, you get angry on yourself and feel nothing you ever do would ever be right.
  • You dislike easy answers- Aren’t easy things just a facade? You want to look at the deeper truth, the deeper meaning behind any conversation, Did they agree with me because they wish to get  rid of me? or are they done with me? Easy answers are never right, nothing is ever that easy, right?
  • You dislike One word answers!  This one, well, we over thinkers generally do not like them for they kickstart our overthinking space high and then we go into our safe cave and try to decipher the “hidden” meaning behind that cool, good, nice or okay!

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  • Routine “Observations” not Talk make up your day : Now this seems normal I know, but as an over-thinker myself, every time I am out for a run, or meet stranger or even my friends, I tend to observe to their non -verbal cues, so much so that at times their sigh, could just mean they are tired from the daily chore not because they are tired from me of me. But I tend to observe a lot and then go back think about it, You observe more than you will speak or say, even though the other person is talking to you, you will observe their actions, not realising that your own actions makes you look hostile or rude to a new person who wouldn’t be aware about your normal routine of observing,
  • You are always on a lookout for new information : This is also a characteristic of a deep thinker, but the difference between a deep thinker and an over thinker lies in the outcome, a deep thinker channelizes their thoughts towards a problem and comes up with a solution to it. The over thinker, rather looks out for information that just adds more to their worries and is in line with their what if’s hypothesis, this never ending cycle doesn’t stop, for you will always be on a lookout for new information as your overthinking makes you believe that others are trying to hurt you or will take advantage of you.
  • You find it difficult to fall asleep quickly : Your thoughts are so much ingrained inside your mind that not only do they occupy your mind in the day, but also at night when you try to sleep, you can’t seem to find a “Pause” or “Stop Now” button for them. They keep going on and on and keep you awake a lot of times, thus leaving you feeling lethargic or tired again in the day.

Each and everyone one of us might have a different experience with overthinking. We do overthink, just that the scale is quite different. Now just because we do indulge in overthinking doesn’t make us good or bad, shitty or a loser or sulker, it makes us human, but that comes with a price, the price is at times our life, your self esteem, your health- physical or mental or even emotional will be affected, which will be discussed in more detail in the next post!

Thank you so much for reading, do let me know your thoughts, would love to know them.

Cold hand and warm smiles


28th March, 2021

It was a chaotic Sunday afternoon, with the scorching heat burning my face, my black crop top and cardigan too, helped the sun with its play, I awaited the arrival of the one who was sailing away.

There he was, with his navy blue sweatshirt that had ‘hints of Black’ Matching mine, a white tee, that had blobs of sweat and Paco Rabanne smelling from a mile away, he swayed like the autumn winds, with his hands tucked inside his pockets and his eyes smiled from far away.

Can we go now? I said in my grim voice, I practised my blank look prior to the meet, for navy pants made me wait,

What, no hello or hi?
His soft brown eyes looked straight into mine,

A million moths revolted inside my empty stomach that time, with an eye roll I hushed him off.

——

Our coffee will be here in 2 mins, let’s sit,come on,

He pulled out a chair as we sat across that ambiguously loud cafe,

Bela ciao played in the background that time, as the main chorus echoed in the cold air, he removed his blue mask and warmly smiled at me, the smile wasn’t the same his adventurous social media posts portrayed, this one rather gave his cheeks a pinkish hue, the wrinkles around his eyes too popped up in play,
His skin looked more soft and supple than they did in those blurry video calls we had everyday, droplets of sweat aligned by his forehead, and his nose, he shyly hushed those off by constantly touching his face or grooming his hair. 

I wish I could carry a polaroid to click every-time Mr. Serious face came out of his comfort zone to live life in a casual way. 

Did I mention his ‘fan’ following?

More than a few pretty chicas  had their eyes trailed off in his way,  their stare  hooked onto to his face, or his mouth or the way he talked with ease and kept smiling away. Yet naive eyes were glued in my way, like a kid gaurding his favorite thing.


The Meet was one of a kind, one I have never had anyone at all, I know his sceptical detective mind wouldn’t accept things at face value ever, for his curious eyes often look out for the things unsaid,  the eye rolls I often gave, the way I smiled or smirked or even had a serious face, he loves to know more about what’s beneath the facade. 

I had more smiles to crease, especially the time we walked down the stair of the ancient cafe hallway, I missed a step for I was busy searching for the cat I met in way, he quickly clasped my hand with his cold ones,

Are you alright?

His eyes looked into  mine, another set of fireflies flew inside my gut that time

I smiled beneath my mask and nodded my head.

This first meet, with ‘cold coffee that tasted like liquid vanilla ice cream, the carrot juice that was fresh and sweet like his forehead kiss he showered me with when we parted our ways, the chocolate cupcake, which we shared, or which I rather ordered him to eat halfway, the cigarette puff which he hesitantly passed my way, or the way my overthinking mind was at ease the entire time, was beyond perfect, something I would love to have everyday. 

A war with yourself.

I came across a fuzzy seed of myself.
This part that i nurutred everyday in the past,
That saved me on the silent days,
On the days my beliefs were bandaged like my tongue,

Has made a home in the silent hall of my heart,
This fuzzy wall is cracking down suppprting this seed all the time,
I see the failure of naive lost self, nailed,
rusty tacks that marred the heart,
lie beside my cold feet, plain,

I try to fill the crevices of this wall with the fleeting moments of happiness,
alas,its momentous strength fails to keep them align.

I watch them fall ounce by ounce as the roots of this seeed outgrow alongside the echoing room,
its silence is felt, but the voice keeps growing louder by each passing day.

The elongated roots seem too weak,
support each other and have become quite strong,
the brakish water nurtures them,
gives them hope they can still come out alive.
purple skies often shed their light and there they lay by the blackened sky nurtured and safe.

I try to burn them away with a flicker of hope that shined in life,
I stand paralysed as I watch this flame shudder under the coldness of this sight,
but the pecuilar roots defy this time, smell putrsecine,
as though it was never meant to be die.

Seems like 520 already.

I miss you

I miss the sudden cheek kisses you kept showering me with,

I miss the way your cold hands found home in mine,

And the way you swayed our hands and marched all the time.

I miss the way you hid your smile beneath that maroon mask

Or the way your eyes just never left mine.

Every time we meet,

There’s always this calm and peace inside me

Which doesn’t or hasnt ever happened ever in life.

Im still trying to find the right words to put the things i had planned to tell you

About the way you make me feel at ease

Or the way you understand my unsaid words too quicky all the time

Alas all i do is stare at you

Wish to see a bit more of those childlike eyes,

Your smile, like the crescent of the moon,

Radiates amongst my gloomy skies.

—T2 meet—-

“Cheers then?”

He sat infront of me, with his blackcurrent milkshake in one hand,

His fuller cheeks were as pink as those strawberries he has promised we’d try,

“Cheers to new beginnings?”

I Iooked at the smile he tried to hide behind the cup,

While his gaze still stuck on my eyes.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

I rested my palm upon my face, unable to speak, for my heart thumbed too loud,

“You look too cute today

And see, we color coordinated again this time!”

The thrill in his sweet voice made me smile,

he suddenly leaned a bit too close to me,

his once crossed legs suddenly engulfed my wobbly ones,

A leg hug it was indeed.

How i wish the time would stop, maybe rest on those wooden chairs and cheap milkshake piles

Or stop beneath the shade of the peculiar tree that swayed in May heat,

Yet his arms kept a cozy hold of me all the time,

I wish,

Maybe a little more of those smiles to crease

A little too many pecks on cheeks

Or the *mistaken dandruff* forehead kisses at times.

——-

I miss you, even though you’re far away you say

You’re still very much the first thing on my mind,

And present with me among the cold coffees i have,

when i gaze up at the naked stars and listen to kitne haseen zindagi hai yeh

Or the time i smoke your favourite cigarettes for it brings a bit closer to thee

You’re worth it all.

That’s all i have to say to you for this time.

– To the muse of mine :’)

Is it okay to be like this?

Do we fall in love with how the person actually is? Or the idea of them we have inside our brain,

We love to romanticize their dull eyes, their scam smiles and their honey dripped lies.

And oxytocin supports our beliefs overtime, the hugs feels heavenly, the kiss seems like a delight.

Their normal expressions seem so special, “the love drug” keeps playing tricks on our mind

Then we slowly start imagining scenarios in which they have married us and we are living a “happily ever after life”

But alas, infatuation or lust is temporary, most of the times,

You become obsessed with them, like an addict, you’re drawn to their presence and keep pestering them all the time,

Asking them about their whereabouts, feel insecure, jealous, feel that pit in the stomach when they dont give you importance,

You wish to keep them happy, no matter what, never wish to go against them, wish to be by their side, even though it hinders your self esteem all the time.

Until one day they tell you,

dont contact me ever again”

And you realise, that infatuation played you well

You’re heartbroken, you feel this is the end of life,

When in reality, it’s not.

For now is the time you shine,

You give yourself the love and importance you deserved all the time.❣

Why are we like this?

We think more than we feel,

Think before we sleep, we eat,or play,

Think before making decisions, helping stranger in way,

Think about what could be,what might be, what is and what shouldn’t be,

Think about thinking in numerous ways,

Only to be disappointed when it doesnt match the thinking guidelines given by thinkers who used to think night and day,

I think therefore I am,

What if your thinking doenst let you be who you are?

Or is it to be is to think??

Or if you think then there’s too much to be?

Ugh,

Too much thinking for me.

Lust and love ( edited version)

**Lusty lies, beautiful smiles**

You’d find an abode in those tempestuous eyes,
those oh so perfect smiles, everything they do just seems so vague yet perfectly fine,

Some call it that wish for which they often prayed,
Oh! Look my wish was granted away.
I found the one, my happy place.

But for some pessimists like me,
Lust works like the poison that freezes the tarantula away,
Have you heard about that naive wasp that preys on those gloomy tarantulas by the bay?
This gloomy spider means it no harm, it runs away from the shadow of wasp,
But the wasp has her eyes fixed on its prey,
Her poisonous sting, paralyzes the spider away,
It cant think, nor move, it’s the wasp’s personal play.

Lust works on similar ways,
You’re paralyzed by their beauty and their face,
By their expressive eyes, their notorious self,
They are so brilliant in everything they do,
How could a person relaxing in his pajamas and unmade hair look so cute?

Being with them would make you forget everything else in life,
You’d read articles related to them talk to your friends and ask them for their views,
Take his side and convince your friends too,
You’d slowly start adapting his ways, so quick,
You’d expect the same energy from him too.

Every time you’d meet him,you would observe him a bit more closely,
The way he talks so calmly, the way he folds his arms together and gently frowns, the way he runs his fingers alongside his hair,
The way his hazel eyes shine with glee,
His peculiar beard trimmed in 90’s style.

His presence would make your day,
you’d ache to be in his arms
and wish to kiss him once again, you’d plan your next meet,
the things you’d say,
the dress you’d wear, the way you’d make your hair,
his favourite color would be yours too,everything should be perfect, for our adonis is just that way.

You’d fnd different ways to text him
(or accidentally text him? :p)
send him memes, flood him with questions new,
would expect his attention right away,
what if he forgets to text you day? Was he busy? Is he seeing someone new?
Let’s watch his story on Instagram or maybe snapchat today??