Is it okay to be like this?

Do we fall in love with how the person actually is? Or the idea of them we have inside our brain,

We love to romanticize their dull eyes, their scam smiles and their honey dripped lies.

And oxytocin supports our beliefs overtime, the hugs feels heavenly, the kiss seems like a delight.

Their normal expressions seem so special, “the love drug” keeps playing tricks on our mind

Then we slowly start imagining scenarios in which they have married us and we are living a “happily ever after life”

But alas, infatuation or lust is temporary, most of the times,

You become obsessed with them, like an addict, you’re drawn to their presence and keep pestering them all the time,

Asking them about their whereabouts, feel insecure, jealous, feel that pit in the stomach when they dont give you importance,

You wish to keep them happy, no matter what, never wish to go against them, wish to be by their side, even though it hinders your self esteem all the time.

Until one day they tell you,

dont contact me ever again”

And you realise, that infatuation played you well

You’re heartbroken, you feel this is the end of life,

When in reality, it’s not.

For now is the time you shine,

You give yourself the love and importance you deserved all the time.❣

Lust and love ( edited version)

**Lusty lies, beautiful smiles**

You’d find an abode in those tempestuous eyes,
those oh so perfect smiles, everything they do just seems so vague yet perfectly fine,

Some call it that wish for which they often prayed,
Oh! Look my wish was granted away.
I found the one, my happy place.

But for some pessimists like me,
Lust works like the poison that freezes the tarantula away,
Have you heard about that naive wasp that preys on those gloomy tarantulas by the bay?
This gloomy spider means it no harm, it runs away from the shadow of wasp,
But the wasp has her eyes fixed on its prey,
Her poisonous sting, paralyzes the spider away,
It cant think, nor move, it’s the wasp’s personal play.

Lust works on similar ways,
You’re paralyzed by their beauty and their face,
By their expressive eyes, their notorious self,
They are so brilliant in everything they do,
How could a person relaxing in his pajamas and unmade hair look so cute?

Being with them would make you forget everything else in life,
You’d read articles related to them talk to your friends and ask them for their views,
Take his side and convince your friends too,
You’d slowly start adapting his ways, so quick,
You’d expect the same energy from him too.

Every time you’d meet him,you would observe him a bit more closely,
The way he talks so calmly, the way he folds his arms together and gently frowns, the way he runs his fingers alongside his hair,
The way his hazel eyes shine with glee,
His peculiar beard trimmed in 90’s style.

His presence would make your day,
you’d ache to be in his arms
and wish to kiss him once again, you’d plan your next meet,
the things you’d say,
the dress you’d wear, the way you’d make your hair,
his favourite color would be yours too,everything should be perfect, for our adonis is just that way.

You’d fnd different ways to text him
(or accidentally text him? :p)
send him memes, flood him with questions new,
would expect his attention right away,
what if he forgets to text you day? Was he busy? Is he seeing someone new?
Let’s watch his story on Instagram or maybe snapchat today??

Lust and love ( part 1)

Lust is like that warm orange singlet top that makes me feel great,

I wear it during times I feel bold or wish to have some fun at my own stake,

Its quite new, still has that ambiguous David off cool water smell,

But love is that rouge pink tshirt of mine, which makes me feel cozy and warm,

I wear it on stormy days and wintry nights, it has accompanied me since the past 3 years,

No matter much I wash it away, it still makes me feel safe.


I am no master in love, I’d say, havent experienced it at all,

But lust? The desireful eyes, those oh so perfect smiles, my poetries revolve around those tales.

Maybe lust is what we confuse for love nowadays,

Their glistening eyes seem lovely to you,you’d catch them checking you out, they smile off and find different ways to accidentally touch you,

They’d tease you and make you laugh, their jokes would be so funny you’d laugh your eyes out, you’ve never felt this happy ever in life,

The way the talk the way he folds his arms together and gently frowns, the way he runs his fingers alongside his hair would make the butterflies in your stomach reach ashore,

His presence would make your day, you’d ache to be in his arms and wish to kiss him once again, you’d plan your next meet, the things you’d say, the things he’d end up doing,oh, everything should be perfect that way, for our adonis is just that way.

You’d fnd different ways to text him, ( or accidentally text him or call him either ways) send him memes, flood him with questions new, would expectt his attention right away, what if he forgets to text you day? Was he busy? Is he seeing someone new today? Let’s stalk him on insta or maybe snapchat today??

And every time you’d meet them, you’d feel jittery, it would be the first time again, you’d feel jittery, you’d get dumbfounded, act nervously and fumble on your own words,

For hey, they seem so perfect( to you) dont they?

Could they be the one?

To the incomplete feelings of mine,

-August 2020.

Random rant for the day.

Moving on is very ambiguous, it’s more complicated than falling in love itself Moving on/ way from infatuation/ lust relationship,is like carrying a sack full of sponge,it is supposed to be light you know? But the unforeseen rains just make it too heavy and now you just wander around with that load, everyday.

It is at times,that road you knew would lead you to your destination, but the various bumps and the uncertain track, makes you confused, you don’t know where you stand. Have you almost reached? Or have you not even crossed any checkpoint yet? Are you finally there? Can you celebrate your victory away? You’re quite unsure.

*****

I have tried all the things the Psychology today article said, at times referred to the book by various authors, or read those articles online.

They suggested a variety of things, from giving them a weird nickname, to making fun or laughing at their flaws (this was too extreme and fucked up I’d say) or talking it out to them sharing what you really felt, but in my case, it ended up with another series of texting battles, but the other side was too polite I couldn’t understand if that’s how things ended in normal way.

But the widely acceptable way I was told was, Giving it time, for it heals everything, I wonder if it truly does?

Or do you hide these feelings in a bottle full of sorrow and throw them in a sea of melancholy and pain? Where they lie afloat, dont sink nor drown, just flow away to a land unknown.

Or maybe it is that room filled with the person you once loved, or thought you did, the ones who lied, at times betrayed, at times met you by destiny or fate, but alas time, oh time,has it’s own way to take them away, they lie behind that door, of rusty lies and broken promises,you lock them away and never look back, for the keys, you’ve lost and now, you just wait.

Maybe time just teaches you, patience? And the other things, you learn them away

*****

It also means, there are days you are absolutely composed, so busy in your daily routine you forget about their existence, forget everything they ever said, it’s as though life was getting normal per se.

Then the very next moment, something ultra random and trivial reminds you of them. That peculiar cologne smell, someone walking in similar way as them, with ear phones tucked in their ears, they are rejoicing in their own world, their own place,or that unusual fragrance of that incense that made you feel jittery every time you met, the song they recommend being played in the background or in the place away.

Just one tiny thing and there you are the naive moth, once again, drawn to those wild flames, you get lost in the moment, remembering their smile, their eyes, their words, you missed them again.

Just godddamm why?

Poem 40#

His lustrous eyes,

Seemed too dim, I didn’t know why.

Seemed like the bright sea, on eclipsed night.

His usual smirk,

Replaced by an unusual sigh,

When I asked him to hug me for the last time,

He seemed hesitant in the start,

but later pulled me close to his chest

And rested for a while.

He smelled like the morning dew,

Like the balmy morning on the rainy day, anew.

And as he lay his nose against mine.

I stood on my toes to match his height,

He placed his arms by my waist, kissed me for the last time,

The kiss was sweet, nectary, I didn’t mind,

But in the end left me with a salty aftertaste,

Tear stained, I left his side.

Maybe?

I was just another girl in your life,

Who will be replaced, by the many waiting in line.

But you were the first to enter my life,

Who won’t ever be replaced by anyone, in time.

Ambiguous.

Whatever we share is something unknown, ambiguous for sure.The feeling is so alien, yet feels so homely, oh so known.

I don’t know why, but you are in my thoughts everyday. How much ever I try to distract myself, I truly fail.

Your enchanting smile flashes infront of my eyes, your bewildering eyes captures my soul, stops me in my tracks, my heart, it swirls.

You, you’re someone I don’t understand for sure, one minute you’re caring, the other you’re cold.

How much ever I am rude to you, angry at you for not sharing your views, you handle the situation oh so well, we talk it out, the anger doesn’t dwell.

I don’t understand what’s going on with me, I want to ignore you, I can’t even if I try,

Wish to stop talking to you, for whatever is going on between us is not normal for sure. But I end up texting you, even more.

I know we’re both busy with our own families and friends in life and that you won’t be able to ‘invest’ your time.

But,I don’t want lengthy texts every minute from you, or hour long talks everyday or two.

A simple good morning or good night would make me smile, for at least I’ll know you think of me once a while :

You’re confusing, annoying at times, with a weird walk and peculiar style.

With a broken nose and beautiful smile, sarcastic smirk is vague but fine.

You got me the day, you understood my emotion so well, but I’ll still say it was your intuitive guess, nothing else.