Top Signs you could be Overthinking ( Part two of the Overthinking series)

So in this particular piece to keep things short, I will only discuss the top signs you might be overthinking :

Part 1 – Be aware! The Ogre named Overthinking

Part 2- A few signs you could be overthinking!

Part 3- How does it affect you? 

Part 4 – How to get over this thinking – Ways to overcome this habit of overthinking.

“I pushed him off, for I thought he would want the same thing, then why does it feel shitty?

Because you didn’t think rationally it was rather your overthinking, you thought of those what ifs and saw the worst outcome to something that meant nothing but good to you.

The line on the other side hears a deep sigh,

Maybe you are right, I did and now I have lost what I love, but is too late?

All she gets back is silence, for isn’t  that what she wanted?
——————————–

Now that you somewhat feel you do overthink, how about we look out fo sure short signs that you could be overthinking?

Here are a few!

  • You keep reliving past moments again and again :  You find it difficult to let to of the past memories, especially painful or the ones that hurt you, even if the incident took place years ago, you cant let go. It is possible that the experience left a deep impact upon you, or even hurt you, mentally as well as physically, but you feel that is stilll very much Latched on to you, you cant let go.pexels-startup-stock-photos-212286
  • You tend to worry more the various What If’s in your life :  This has to be one of the most disastrous things we over thinkers do. We humans do tend to indulge in What If’s at less frequency than that of an over-thinker, for this question is like their kryptonite, they are weakest when they are surrounded by them, they feel it will get them close to home, but it only keeps killing them night and day.
  • You tend to worry about the future a lot, so much so that it has started affecting your daily life – You are so caught up with your own thoughts that you forget whether you locked the door, loose a track of time while you’re staring at blank space and get lost in those thoughts, you find it difficult to concentrate or enjoy things you once loved.  You feel anxious at the mere thought of an uncertain future because of which there is a constant need to plan things out, make pointers, checklist, keep things in control for that way you have somewhat hold upon your future dealings.

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  • You find it difficult to forgive yourself for those mistakes of the past- You come up with better solutions to them feel that may there could have been something you could have done better or in a easy way. But when you fail to come up with any of those better solution, you sulk, you get angry on yourself and feel nothing you ever do would ever be right.
  • You dislike easy answers- Aren’t easy things just a facade? You want to look at the deeper truth, the deeper meaning behind any conversation, Did they agree with me because they wish to get  rid of me? or are they done with me? Easy answers are never right, nothing is ever that easy, right?
  • You dislike One word answers!  This one, well, we over thinkers generally do not like them for they kickstart our overthinking space high and then we go into our safe cave and try to decipher the “hidden” meaning behind that cool, good, nice or okay!

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  • Routine “Observations” not Talk make up your day : Now this seems normal I know, but as an over-thinker myself, every time I am out for a run, or meet stranger or even my friends, I tend to observe to their non -verbal cues, so much so that at times their sigh, could just mean they are tired from the daily chore not because they are tired from me of me. But I tend to observe a lot and then go back think about it, You observe more than you will speak or say, even though the other person is talking to you, you will observe their actions, not realising that your own actions makes you look hostile or rude to a new person who wouldn’t be aware about your normal routine of observing,
  • You are always on a lookout for new information : This is also a characteristic of a deep thinker, but the difference between a deep thinker and an over thinker lies in the outcome, a deep thinker channelizes their thoughts towards a problem and comes up with a solution to it. The over thinker, rather looks out for information that just adds more to their worries and is in line with their what if’s hypothesis, this never ending cycle doesn’t stop, for you will always be on a lookout for new information as your overthinking makes you believe that others are trying to hurt you or will take advantage of you.
  • You find it difficult to fall asleep quickly : Your thoughts are so much ingrained inside your mind that not only do they occupy your mind in the day, but also at night when you try to sleep, you can’t seem to find a “Pause” or “Stop Now” button for them. They keep going on and on and keep you awake a lot of times, thus leaving you feeling lethargic or tired again in the day.

Each and everyone one of us might have a different experience with overthinking. We do overthink, just that the scale is quite different. Now just because we do indulge in overthinking doesn’t make us good or bad, shitty or a loser or sulker, it makes us human, but that comes with a price, the price is at times our life, your self esteem, your health- physical or mental or even emotional will be affected, which will be discussed in more detail in the next post!

Thank you so much for reading, do let me know your thoughts, would love to know them.

Poem 55#



I dont wanna write anymore,
Was this destined in my palm too?
My palm has so many broken lines,
Reminds me of the geometry figure I couldn’t draw even after multiple trials,
Alas in the end, the creased paper had multiple broken lines, they were invisible to the naked eye,
But for me, I could see, my failure tangled like the spiders web.
And oh my maths teacher, she often gave me a zero out of 25.

I don’t enjoy my daily coffee too,
It tastes bland, maybe 3 tsp isnt strong?
Maa tells me this coffee is making me senile,
Or maybe it’s your phone, that’s making you mad! She says.
Maybe she is right,
I’m stuck with this phone like the lover to its rose,
It’s the first thing I have in my hand and the last thing I check before I sleep.

How much are you sleeping nowadays shibu!? Maa questions me for the millionth time,
Are you even paying attention to what I’m saying?? I nodd, but she walks away
I dont sleep, really, just lie down on my unmade bed, lie with my warm blanket shielding me away from the ghosts of the past,
But they find an abode through the space I leave off below my cold feet,

Did I do enough today? I question myself
But all I hear is the last local honking in the background,
There is no sign of moon today,
I see a bat hanging upside down the almond tree infront of my window pane,
He swings so peacefully and silently rests by the other birds who usually attack him in day.

Bhai then blabbers in his sleep,
Something about his work, how he has to reach the intended goal for the month,
He then nods his head and tilts to other side of the bed,

Shibu dont you wanna sleep?” Dad’s hoarse voice alerts me away,

Yes, i will now”  the cold floor really feels weird during winter days,
With a quick look at the grey skies, I escalate towards my bed.

Goodnight dad” I mumble,

He ignores my words, as he sits by the window pane.

Random Musing(2)

I guess that’s how we humans are in the end, we say we hate lying, but surround ourselves with our brief lies which is strengthed by the others who have lived these lies, for in the end, that’s how people in a truthful world reside.

I’m fine.



I wish I could stop using this sentence at times, but ever since I was a child, maa always told me everything is fine, it’s all in your head,my little dandelion.

She told me that as a woman I must learn to accept some hardships in life,that crying over things isn’t the solution to life.

“Then when does one cry, maa?”

People cry when someone dies, shibu” Not when they’re alive and happy”

I wonder if I am truly alive?

My heart doesn’t really beat,
it functions like my neighbor ‘s old Ben clock,
Only at night does it realise that its alive
It echoes a silent tap, those muffled voices in the background snicker and laugh,
I hear a whimper, too soft for anyone to notice around,
But it ticks too loud, but oh the silence of the night takes the credit away.


***
Go for a run or a walk, Dad orders me,
I find myself wearing those worn out converse of mine,
Where my laces have knots and are too loosely tied,
I jog for a few minutes until those thoughts feel too much for me, the same disappointment,
The same numbness, the people in my life I could never please, I run, run the way I have always liked,
The one where people disappear and my heart beat comes alive,

After 3 rounds of running, I return back home,

“You look like hellboy” dad acknowledges my presence as he opens his new bottle of whiskey, tonight.
After two 60 ml shots,
He tells me that I act like an emotional fool at times,
that I must learn to be tough, be like a rock he says, it never cries.
I wish I could tell him that oh it breaks, shatters into pieces when it can’t cry.


……

I wish I were a child right now,
atleast writing “I am fine” hundred times would let my unconscious mind accept this plight,
Alas my heart would never accept that sight.

….

Why dont you share anything with me, I am right here, my friend texts me,
But what do I tell her when I myself dont understand it,
That there are times I just wish to be left alone,
All I want is the silence around me, not questions and remarks about how I am not doing well in life.
Rather all I end up texting them is, Oh it’s nothing, I’ll be just fine. :))

The paradoxical one.

She is unsure and uncertain in life, she wants a few things, yet doesnt want them too. She would initiate the conversation then feel it losing it’s sight and in time with her lack of effort, it’ll die.

For she knows they’d have many others whom they would talk to, she’d assume small things and get nervous all the time, “why did you type the Okay ♥️ as ok, / okay / k/ this time?”The others she wonders about the tone of their text and replies, “were they in a hurry or did they wish to talk to me after a while?”

“Why didn’t they use their regular emoji, or are they done with her hopeless plight?”

She deletes messages quite often too,for her anxiety tells her it sounds too rude or maybe not right, what if they feel bad? What if they read in between the lines? They cant see her vulnerable side.

Sudden calls from strangers scare her to death,do they expect a specific reply? Is hmm and haan and okay and yeah, fine? What if they feel she is not contributing to the conversation at all,her heart comes to her mouth, she feels like 1 year old, she babbles or mumbles or at times is inaudiblely loud.

At times,she is sure of her mind, sure of the things she has to say and feels about the people around, yes doubts and fear cross her mind, but her heart comes to resuce those times.

The others, her heart plays tricks on her mind, for it doesn’t understand the difference between infatuation or lust, confuses it with love and keeps her awake all night.

Yes she overthinks, she has scales of measurement for this overthinking too, a bit done every now and then seems fine, she takes overthinking breaks in between her day, thinks about the topic from all the sides and even tho the stimulus is out of her sight it still revolves in her mind.

Is it yes or was it no?”

She dislikes the term in between and people giving her ambiguous hues. She likes weird and confusing things for sure,

The puzzle the daily crossword, the sudoku hurl, the Rubik’s cube, confusing it may be for others but she’d try all the combinations and solve it overnight, and if not, then mess up the code and add more sequences to her plight.

At times she is nervous and shy,like the naive Caterpillar that transforms into a beautiful butterfly, she is oh so cautious and alert of her moves, never to harm a soul and usually complies.

The others she is bold and scary they say, like the moth, that’s as dark as the ruinous sky, you’d shoo her off, so that she doesn’t ruin your cashmere shawl overnight,

She’s reckless and wild, is attracted to dangerous people who often hurt her or leave her in the absence of light, is attracted to the feral fire that could burn her core, yet she wishes to go near it, to warm her numb soul.

…..

Life for her is a puzzle,

one cannot fathom right away

It is never truly black nor white,

At times it’s blue and purple, red and grey,

So arrange every piece that comes your way,

And that’s how she lives her life, everyday.

Poem 52#

He’s here, but he’s truly not,

I don’t recognize him,

In fact I never have and never will,

He babbles and abuses too,

His eyes, don’t see what we see,

It sees a world that keeps opressing him,

His mouth becomes a flame of lies,

Of pain and hurt,

betrayal and crimes,

His past surfaces in and he becomes the same old boy

With khaki shorts and torn shirt,

With worn chappals and lost eyes

Who’s father beat him, to hide his lies,

To hide his affair with the woman he loved,

Who wasn’t his wife.

It all comes back to him, at times in episodes too.

He remembers the time his purple hand was beaten black,

The times his father thrashed him

Left him away and ignored his plight.

But oh he forgets the time he left us away,

Instead,

Says I am a burden,

And my siblings are no longer his children too.

He slurrs and slips,

Fumbles on his own failures, oh he falls.

And when his tired eyes and calloused feet hurt a lot,

He crashes his stout body on the defeated old bed,

Mumbbles a “I hate you, you’re no longer my child’

And goes back to sleep, soundly, every night.